The view from a host family

Knowing what your host family will expect can really help with anxiety involved in becoming an exchange student. This section deals with our side of the exchange! First, a little about me. My husband and I have hosted 12 full time and one temporary student. We’ve used three different organizations during this time. Our kids come from Sweden, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Brazil and Switzerland.

Why do we host?
There are a variety of reasons people choose to host exchange students – they want additions to their families, they wish to experience a new culture, they wish to learn more about their own background (especially true for Americans), they just want something new. Host families also come in many different “varieties”. They are single moms and dads (some with kids, some without), they are traditional mom and dad and kid(s), or they are just the mom and dad whose kids are gone, or who never had kids at all. A few families are wealthy, the majority are just plain middle class. But, regardless of the reason, the economic level or the make up host families all have one thing in common – the desire to open up their hearts and homes to you!

“Meeting” your family
Meeting your family begins well before you actually arrive in your new home! It starts with your application. Host families select you from the information you give. The letter you write is even more important. Your family will pour over it, looking for every scrap of information. So, it’s really important to tell the truth and to present yourself as accurately as possible. If you try to present yourself as someone you are not, when you don’t live up to that your family will be disappointed and you will not be off to a good start.

Meeting your family continues after your selection. Your organization will notify you when you have a family. What a fun day and what a relief! Some students wait a long time! But now, there’s a family out there waiting for you. What to do? Get acquainted! You have the Internet, e-mail, phones, chatting! Use them to learn about your new family and to tell them about you! Send them pictures. Tell them about your school. Hate broccoli? Love cats? Tell them that too!

Finally, the big day is almost here. But wait, what to take! Your organization says you need hostess gifts, but you’re clueless! Here are some ideas! For mom and dad: picture book from your country, cookbook, your flag, chocolate (always works!). For teens: T-shirts, CD of popular music. Younger kids: Monopoly from your country or another game. Also take a handful of smaller trinket type items for new friends – key chains, cards, magnets, etc.

The first few weeks
This is when you are getting settled in ... do you know the house rules yet? Are you aware what will irritate your new parents? Are you helping out? In other words, are you a guest or a member of the family? If you are doing the dishes (or other chores), picking up after yourself and fitting in, you’re a member of the family!

But wait ... what are you calling your host parents? Mom and Dad? First names? It doesn’t really matter, but it is important that you call them SOMETHING! There are no “hey yous” in our house and there shouldn’t be in yours either!

The Long Haul
Wow, the excitement’s over. You’ve been in your home for a few months and things aren’t really too exciting now. You have school, you have rules. You live in a small town with little to do. You’re bored! Well, so are your family and friends, so get off it and get busy! By now you should be inviting other people to do things. If your host family is comfortable with it, have kids over to your house! Like any other relationship, you have to work at the one with your host family, so now may be the time to cook them that Danish dinner or Swedish snack! Do you have a holiday from your country coming up? Share!
Transportation

Exchange students can’t drive – that’s a big problem, especially in the United States where there tends to be little public transportation. You’re dependent upon family and friends to get places. Your family KNOWS this and expects to drive you around. But, you still need to be considerate of their time and gas money. (As for your friends, you should be offering gas money – often!)

Computers/Cell Phone These can be some of the biggest sore points between a host family and student. The computer allows you to have very easy access to your family and friends at home – but you’re not home! You need to be living where you are! So, please try and refrain from constant communication back home. When you have problems, talk to your host family – that’s why they are there! When you have something to share, good or bad, share with them! That’s why they host!

Leaving Leaving is hard! You may find yourself getting angry for no reason, snapping at your host mom or sister for example. Well, there is a reason. Anger is an easier emotion to express than sadness. You need to plan to leave just as you planned to come! And part of that is planning on how to say good-bye to your host family. It will be harder than you think. Make sure that you leave plenty of time for them, especially on your last night. Make sure they know you’ve appreciated what they’ve done for you this past year – one of the best things you can do is write a letter!

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